Mary's Marvelous Lists

What Not to Write on a Child's Report Card

2012-01-15T18:54:00.000-08:00

Last week, while my parents were putting away Christmas decorations, they came across a box, shoved to the back of a shelf, which contained what my dad would call "memorabilia" and my mom would call "crap."Amongst these treasures were some things that they saw fit to send to my house to live, the bulk of which was a collection of schoolwork and report cards from several grades. The list of comments that follow are all quoted directly from my first grade report card, the 1980-81 school year.I was really wanting to write a whole rant about each of these comments. They really made me upset when I started looking at them. I called my father and while I yelled and cried he laughed...saying this teacher and my mom, Sue, never really saw eye to eye. Am I crazy or are some of these comments really inappropriate?! Now I know our education system has changed a lot. I know that if I as a 2012 teacher put a student's desk out in the hall and closed the door like my 5th grade teacher to me, that I would be fired. But still...

"She is such a delight when she is absorbed in what we're doing, but she has very little self discipline when it's a less pleasurable task."
"Sue, You asked not long ago how different J. was from the other classmates? I conclude, very different! She thinks beautifully and has great ability, but public school will possibly be increasingly difficult for her style."
"I told Dale that Jessica either wore me down or she's changed because I have really enjoyed her this last nine weeks."
"If I've prepared her in any way for next year, it's been worth our struggles."
"She has taught me a lot and I feel privileged for the experience."
"I look for her to be something great someday."
"For the flowers, the candy, the party stuff, and your constant support, I've never felt so special."
"Please call me at anytime in her school career if you need me."

Here is the punchline...a few days ago a fellow teacher told me thatone of her Facebook friends recognized my name and knew me fromRandolph County. She said that she knew my dad also so I just figuredit was someone who knew my dad, as everyone in NC public school systemseems to. But my friend kept emphasizing the fact that the woman saidshe knew ME. As soon as she said the woman's name...I knew. It was the teacher who had written these comments 30 years ago. Shestill remembered me...and no wonder, right?! Now the last comment sheput was to call her any time. She's living here in the mountains now.Think she'd be up for a student/teacher conference? I have somequestions for her.

A Long Drive Home

2012-01-15T17:12:00.000-08:00

On my drive home from Greensboro today I got really frustrated hitting the "scan" button on my stereo. Ordinarily surfing the radio stations is one of my favorite parts of the trip between the mountains and the Piedmont, but today it was a complete bust. My radio offered up to me bad classic rock, random cute girl singing dance music, several styles of religious songs, and lots and lots of modern country. Bah! Blah! Grrrr!

So I slowed down a bit and while I had my left hand on the wheel I started rifling through my car's various cubby holes for my iPod and its adapter. Several swerves later, I hit "shuffle songs" and waited for my own personal favorites to start. As usual, it did not disappoint. Even though there are thousands of songs on my iPod, it always seems to be able to tap into my psyche and play exactly the right song in the moment. What follows is a list of song lyrics that came on my iPod on the trip. Lyrics that resonated with me today from songs that randomly came through the speakers at me on this sunny drive home.

"The laws of man don't apply when blood gets in a woman's eye."
"Now I like nothing better than a pretty girl smile and I haven't seen a smile that pretty in a while."
"Well her husband he's a violent man a very violent and jealous man. Now I have to leave this town. I got to leave while I still can.
"Why you act frightened? I am enlightened."
"But for now we are young. Let us lay in the sun and count every beautiful thing we can see."
"To what you wanted to see good has made you blind, and what you wanted to be yours has made it mine."
"Don't trade your love and goodness for the golden machine."
"It's the fear that you know, but you gotta let go."
"Lost in fog and love and faithless fear, I've had kisses that make Judas seem sincere."
"What the hell am I trying to say?"
"Glad I have the scrapes to prove it was me who fell."

How many do you recognize? Clue? Six of the eleven I have seen in concertsometime in the past 20 years...and a seventh I have tickets to see nextmonth.

Even Cowgirls Get the Rhythm and Blues

2011-12-07T18:55:00.001-08:00

Another amazing year of live music is ending. Going to see bands live is truly one of my greatest joys and I am so thankful to my husband who always seems to come through with the tickets I desire most. Thanks honey for making many of these shows possible. Here is a list of shows I saw this year.

Kenny Rogers (meet and greet after too) February 11.
Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings (Reigning Sound opened) March 13.
Chris Cornell (favorite concert of the year) April 6.
Fitz and the Tantrums (April Smith and the Great Picture Show opened) April 11.
Freight Hoppers, April 23.
Stone Temple Pilots, April 23.
Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, May 9.
Al Jardine (of The Beach Boys, and went to the meet and greet after) July 9.
Glaze (Decline of WNC) July 26.
Gillian Welch and Dave Rawlings, August 6.
Dreamers of the Ghetto (at Hopscotch Festival) September 10.
Superchunk (at Hopscotch Festival) September 10.
The Flaming Lips (at Hopscotch Festival, most mind melting show of the year)September 10.
Fitz and the Tantrums ( Walk the Moon opened) November 3.
Nice Guys Help Club, November 11.
Eccentric Soul Review (Ronaldo Domino, The Notations, Syl Johnson) November 19.

Happy/ Sad

2011-10-15T19:06:00.000-07:00

A lifetime ago, when I was about 21 years old I met a boy, barely 18,who had a little crush on me. He did many sweet things to woo me. Notthe least of which involved a 6 hour round trip drive to buy me at-shirt. We went on a few dates in his red station wagon, to movies,for coffee. He had a band that I used to enjoy going to see at 31Patton and Vincent's Ear. But my favorite thing this sweet boy did wasto make a mixed tape for me to enjoy. I kept that mixed tape for manyyears. Through boyfriends, cars, cd players, spills, crunches...Thecase and cover was destroyed long before the tape. I remember theinsert. One side was a page from a comic book. The other had the bandswritten in his lefty scrawl. On the actual tape were written only twowords. On side A was written "happy." On side B was written "sad." Thatboy is now my husband...and as luck would have it, every once in awhile when he is listening to music in his office I will run in thereand exclaim..."This song was on that mixed tape you made for me!" The list is the songs I have recognized so far.Today is our one year anniversary. Crazy to think it's been a year already. Anyway, in celebration, here's a little something. A partial playlist...

Hot Freaks--- Guided by Voices
Sweat--- Jon Spencer Blues Explosion
Carla the Stripper--- Presidents of the United States
Do You Believe in Magic?--- Lovin' Spoonful
Blues Explosion Man ---Jon Spencer Blues Explosion
Puffin' on a Pot Pipe--- Lou Barlow (and Friends)
Soul and Fire--- Sebadoh
I'm Gonna Love You Just a Little More Baby---Barry White
Echos Myron---Guided by Voices
I Am So Into You---Shutter to Think
Driveway to Driveway---Superchunk
My Valuable Hunting Knife---Guided by Voices

Pissed Off About Being Pissed On

2011-06-26T09:52:00.000-07:00

I put my cat, Frank, out today. That was about 5 hours ago and now it's raining and the guilt is setting in. I went down in the basement to do laundry and the cat was just hiding in the bushes and would not come into the basement despite the rain. He was meowing constantly and even now I can hear him out there. I just can't take his pissing any more. I don't know what else to do. I have tried many products that claim to eliminate or change smells so that the cat will no longer pee there. I have kept clean litter boxes. I have rubbed his nose in it and yelled. He just keeps peeing on any and everything. Today, I was gone for 30 minutes and he pissed all over my new sofa. When I say all over, I mean he apparently perched on the top/back of the sofa and pissed so that it ran down the back cushions onto the seat cushion and then splattered as he jumped off the cushions and onto the arm making sure to leave splashes and drips. That was him laying the final straw across this camel's back. I rubbed his nose in it, yelled, and tossed him out. The more I thought about it, as I cleaned my new sofa, the madder I got. And as I worked I began to catalog all the things he has pissed on over the past couple of years, many of which could not be washed and had to simply be thrown away. A blog I like cataloged all the inappropriate things her dog had eaten in his lifetime after his untimely death by eating the wrong thing. I honestly hope it does not come to that. I have food and water on the porch, and come winter I guess I will reexamine my resolve, but for now he is an outdoor animal.

Things Frank has damaged/ ruined by pissing on them in the past few years:

My new sofa
My old sofa
2 upholstered chairs (one of which had to be thrown away)
2 suitcases
any pile of clothes left for more than an hour on the bathroom floor
plastic grocery bags left on the floor
many pieces of paper (including student work, bills, legal documents, etc) which he knocked of my desk or the kitchen table then pissed on
old comforter
new comforter
bed left with no comforter
his favorite carpet spots in the living room over and over and over
in the fire place ashes
in the kindling box
all over the bottom shelf of my antique bookshelf which ruined all the books on that shelf and damaged the wood on the bookcase
in the laundry basket
my purse left on the table
book bags left on the floor

I am sure I am forgetting something, but please tell me you understand. I just can't deal with this another minute. I don't want him dead. I don't want him gone. I just want him outside where he can no longer ruin my home or the things in it.

(As a side note, it has long been suspected that since I rescued the cat from an ex-boyfriend's house that he is some sort of automaton sent to my house to reek havoc on the lives of my husband and me. Something to consider anyway. )

A Change Is Gonna Come

2010-07-11T19:44:00.000-07:00

Today's list is prompted by seeing something that really struck me as amazing. As local residents of Sylva and surrounding areas know, our town is building a new library. They are incorporating the old courthouse into a new complex that is truly going to be beautiful upon completion. The old historic courthouse is a landmark in our town. I once heard it said that it was the most photographed courthouse in NC and I believe it. As part of the building project the crown jewel of the building, the clock tower topped with Lady Justice, is to be removed and restored. After mentioning to my mom and dad that the clock tower steeple had been taken off the courthouse top, they wanted to drive by and see it. To those of us used to seeing it every day, it is quite a shock to see the courthouse without its crown. We drove up to where the construction is going on at the back of the building, and there in the dust of new construction sat the tower. Wow! It was as if I was walking up to Lady Liberty's torch lying on the Boardwalk. I ignored the signs, and walked up to take a closer look, and a few photos. I don't know why this made such an impression on me. Was it because I was so used to seeing this against blue sky and now it lay in the dirt? Was it because it was just so close? Was it because it is another event to remind me of the many changes my little town has been through and continues to go through? So as tonight's list I offer you change...ten of them in fact.

Ten Changes Sylva NC Has Gone Through In The Past Ten Years

We no longer have Fourth of July fireworks at the courthouse. When I moved here, this was my favorite part about Sylva. How Main Street shut down, people lay in the street on blankets, and watched an impressive fireworks display on the steps of the courthouse which made the courthouse even more beautiful.
With the exception of Lulu's, O'Malley's and Spring Street, every restaurant in town is something different then when I moved here.
Only one video rental store in town instead of two.
Lowe's and Sonic moved in and Goody's moved out.
Bright blinky sign in front of Smoky Mountain High School.
Extra stop light by the hospital.
Vet and doctor have new buildings.
No more teacher's night at City Lights.
Two drive through beer stops instead of one.
My first apartment burned down.

I know change is inevitable, but sometimes I wish it would slow down a bit. These little changes in my town reflect the millions of little changes that happen to me and all of us every minute, every day, every year....you get the idea. So be amazed by the little things. Let the change awe you. Pay attention every day.

Labradors Only Please

2010-07-07T18:58:00.000-07:00

As most of you know, I have a new yellow Labrador retriever puppy. I also have my dog Chili who is a black lab. I have realized in the past few days with my new puppy that I am officially breed loyal. I really like lots of breeds of dogs, but I don't ever want to own anything but a lab. I always saw those people who have the t-shirt, bumper stickers, figurines, purses, etc...and 3 or 4 of the particular breed in tow. I just thought they were nutty. I am now in danger of becoming that person. I have t-shirts, refrigerator magnets, Christmas ornaments, bumper stickers, and two of the breed in tow...and I am really OK with that. Anywho, while shopping for more Labrador stuff I came across a t-shirt with this list and thought it was one worthy of my blog o' lists. So here I present to you:

Labrador Retriever Property Laws:

If I like it, it's mine.
If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
If I take it away from you, it's mine.
If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours.
If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
If I saw it first, it's mine.
If it's edible, it's mine.
If you have something and put it down, it's mine.
If I chew up something, all the pieces are mine.
If I get tired of it, it's yours.
If I want it back, it's mine.

Anyone who has known a lab knows how true this is, from puppy to senior. I am having to negotiate fair toy play so that these laws are still adhered to. As a matter of fact, I need to go. There is chewing happening, lots of chewing, on things that used to be mine.

Didn't Your Parents Sing That One to You?

2010-01-20T17:38:00.000-08:00

Long story short, my parents, along with my grandmother, were in a very bad car wreck a few days ago. Whoa whoa slow down... before you panic or start offering condolences, let me tell you that everyone is fine. No one even went to the hospital, though Granny declined the ride in the fire truck so she could ride behind the cage in the police car. Lots of winter clothes, good seat belts, Granny's force field, etc. all played a roll in the three escaping literally without a scratch. My point I guess is that regardless of who or what any of us believe saved these people so very dear to me, I am thankful that they are now home and safe. So here I offer a list of a few reasons why I love my parents. Lame, but I have to express my thankfulness in some way, and since I am not a particularly religious person, I send these thanks out to the universe at large (aka the Internet).

As the title suggests, my parents made up songs. These are songs the whole family would sing and laugh and even make up hand motions for sometimes. These were songs I thought everyone knew, but I was mistaken. Many times in my life, as a child and as an adult, I have started singing one of these songs thinking that they were general knowledge, only to find that I was singing long, loud choruses by myself as others stared silently with wondering looks on their faces.
I have never doubted, even once, ever, that my parents loved me. Even during the years when my dad would have referee fights between my mother and me, I knew. Even when my father was mad and looked "frog eye" style at me while crushing my hand, I knew. Even when I hid in the barn because I was convinced I had killed my brother, I knew. Even when I showed up in the middle of the night and could not stop crying for hours, I knew they would not care I had waken them up. I know there are children who truly doubt or question how their parents feel about them, but I don't. Never.
They always allowed pets. Rabbit Redford to Goldie. Skooterpie to Pepper. They laughed and cried with my brother and me through every pet we had as kids...and there were lots.
My parents have an amazing marriage. A marriage that has survived ups and downs and is full of love and laughter and life. I have always held their relationship up as an example of what I hope mine would be. Now I am married to a man who is so much like my dad that it scares me sometimes. They say every girl wants to marry a man like her father (and I am a lot like my mom), but I think for me it is more an homage to both my parents, to their relationship and my faith in what marriage can be that I learned from watching them.
My parents took us places. As far back as I can remember I have been traveling with my family. Being a teacher now, and coming into contact with so many children I am learning more and more that the sheer amount of travel we did, and still do, is not the usual. From visiting family out of state, to traveling to state and local parks, to traveling across America...my parents took Aaron and me places.
They decided to adopt. My brother rocks. Enough said.

There are truly a million reasons, but these are a few that I think make my parents stand out. Maybe someday I'll be a parent, and maybe I won't. I don't know what the future holds. But I do know that I see the influences of their parenting is so many things my brother and I do every day. So to the universe, to the powers that be, to whatever cosmic force (or farce) paired my little life with Dale and Sue Metz, I say thanks. LOVE LOVE LOVE

Three Point Plan

2009-10-16T10:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was married. For the second time. I did not write vows the first time and wished I had. So this time I wrote them and read them so as not to make any mistakes. So as my friends and family and I all sobbed through my reading, I knew I had done the right thing. So for those who couldn't be here, I invite you to share this little moment of the wedding with us.

Because I am a planner, I looked at many hokey wedding websites for advice in writing vows. I answered endless questions about the past, present, and future of my relationship with you trying to figure out what to say. And as I read back over it all there were three things that kept coming up, my holy trinity of sorts. First was that you make me laugh everyday. I need that laughter like I need air and water. Everything negative swirling around me just evaporates when we laugh together. Second was that you make me feel so safe. For so many years, I have not felt safe; physically, emotionally safe. With you I have a home where I feel that safety so completely I can finally relax enough to live a life I can be proud of. Last was that you feel the same way I do about the things that matter most. You understand about loving and spending time with the family you have, and even creating a kind of family amongst friends. You understand and enjoy having a house full of animals. There are so many things that I love about you, so many reasons I want to marry you, but they all seem to come to this...

I promise I will laugh with you every day.

I promise I will always be your home.

I promise I will always be your family.

Others Love Lists Too

2009-09-25T18:49:00.000-07:00

In case you didn't know, my sweetheart is a writer. He is a writer who is always looking for more connections, more writing jobs, and more experiences and ideas to write about. One of his latest ventures has been applying for an internship with Dave Egger's publishing company McSweeney's. After Jason answered the "Who is Dave Eggers?" question for me, I became intrigued and picked up a few of his books from around the house and read bit and pieces. My discovery is that I love the McSweeney's anthology books. Why? Becasue they love lists like I do. I'm a little mad that during our discussion, Jason failed to mention that Dave Eggers has such a beautiful head of hair...but I am thankful he introduced me to the books. So my old love of lists and my new love of McSweeney's brings me to give you the following. Lifted affectionately from the book Created in Darkness by Troubled Americans. This list is simple and perfect, especially in light of my career.

Schoolyard Games for Unpopular Children
Greg Knauss

Hide 'n' Be Lonely

Goose, Goose, Goose

Teeter

Unhappy-Go-Round

Kick the Can, Over and Over Again, Angrily

Studio Apartment

Very Easy Tag

Fighting the Battle of Wounded Knee

2009-07-30T19:00:00.000-07:00

I am a danger to myself. Not in the I-can't-take-it anymore-I'm-going-to jump-off-a-cliff way, but a danger none the less. In fact, if there was a cliff involved in my death it would be me tripping on some insignificant speck of dirt and plummeting to the earth below with a muffed "puff" sound at the bottom. Likewise I would never slit my wrist, but might slip with the knife while slicing a squash and bleed to death before anyone came home. I would never hang myself, but I would get fatally tangled in the sheets hanging on the clothesline, slip on the wet grass and strangle myself. All accidental incidents of course. All because I am a klutz. Right now I am sitting on the couch enjoying some RICE (rest, ice, compression, elevation) on my scabby bruised knee from when I slipped and fell in a parking lot early yesterday. The same leg also has a large scratch from when I scraped my calf on the tag on the front of my car, a chunk out of my ankle from catching it with an unclipped fingernail, and most of the skin missing from the top of m big toe from stubbing it repeatedly. I sprained my opposite knee earlier in the week at the gym and again later that night dancing.

Now you may say I am just feeling sorry for myself because of recent injuries, but let me assure you, this is a reoccurring theme in my life. I was a child always covered in band-aids. As a girl, I knew I was clumsy, but just thought it was because I was newly long-limbed and that as I got older I would become familiar with my limbs in a way that allow me to control them enough to avoid injury and maybe even appear graceful. But alas, it was not to be. I dreamed of dancing and took ballet classes. My teacher actually told me I was the worst she had seen and created a sit-down role in the Nutcracker just for me, a fact which my mother still laughs about. Jason loves to say of his life that he has just gone from one awkward stage to the next. A sentiment I can really identify with.

Sure, everyone is a little clumsy now and again, but I truly believe myself to be unique in both frequency and severity. I would also like to make the point that I do not engage in any purposefully "EXTREME!" activities which cause me to have a higher occurrence of these injuries. As evidence I present the following list of graceless moves.

On Mother's day when I was about 11 I was riding my bike slowly and directly in front of my house. I suddenly crashed for no apparent reason in to my little brother standing near by. He did not have a scratch. I had a huge cut under my eye (9 stitches), asphalt burn on my knees and one shoulder, cut and bloodied both lips and was later told that had I not been wearing my braces, I would have lost my 4 front teeth. Not long after, I had to have a root canal on one of the teeth because of the accident. The tooth is still discolored.
Playing hide-and-seek in school I was hiding under some cubbies. When I jumped out to reveal myself I went up instead of forward and the coat hook went right into the top of my head. (4 stitches)
Crashed into a bike rack trying to park my bike. Flipped over the handle bars and put a bolt into the bottom of my chin. (3 stitches)
Flipped over in a tube at Deep Creek and bruised my arm on a rock. It was black from my elbow to my wrist.
Dropped a table directly onto my big toe. No stitches, but they had to put on this fake skin/nail stuff because my entire nail came off in the waiting room and they couldn't get it to stop bleeding. You can clearly see this in my wedding photos.
Stabbed my palm with a steak knife.
Sliced my finger when I broke a glass. Especially fun because the doctor had to use forceps to dig around in my open cut to check for glass before stitching me up. (4 stitches)
Slip regularly in the water my dog leaves around his bowl and end up bruised on the kitchen floor. Done it so often I'm starting to get good at it. Last time I slipped I had a full bowl of pasta in my hand and did not spill a single noodle.
On the sidewalk outside Scully's I tripped over my own feet and could not recover before diving onto the sidewalk. A car actually stopped to make sure I was alright.
Got my foot caught between two risers during a performance of my school chorus and fell between them halfway through a song. Had a bruise from my thigh to my knee. (Another one my mom and dad are still laughing about.)

This is not a complete list of course. There are countless stories my friends and family love to tell of my trips, falls and slides. It does not include the daily head, knee, elbow, and head bumps. And I have not, to date, had any broken bones or overnight hospital stays. (Knock on wood. Of course if I do knock on wood I will surely get a splinter or bruised knuckles.) But I am wondering if there will be a time when I am injury free? Clumsiness is often associated with the young and the old. Where do I fit in? I have to go. My ice pack is melting and my pillow needs fluffing. Wish me luck.

666 List

2009-05-16T19:12:00.000-07:00

Six ways my life has completely changed in the last 6 months.

My dog Chili has returned to live with me
My ex-husband legal issues are resolved
Jason and I made the decision to move back to Asheville
Paying household bills on time and paid off one of my loans
Thinking about teaching something other than fourth grade
Become very close to a great bunch of friends

Six plans for the future.

Second marriage
First child
Becoming a math teacher
Moving out of Sylva
New-used car
Many more road trips with my fella

Six reasons I want to marry Jason.

He makes me laugh every day
So we can start a family
He has stood by me through a LOT of bullshit the past 18 months
He understands the most important relationships in my life are with my dog and family and enjoys hanging out with both
I deeply believe in our lasting strength as a couple
Love love love...I am a hopeless optimist

4-20

2009-04-20T17:22:00.000-07:00

I am an ex-stoner. I say "ex" mostly because I am broke, I hang out with a very different crowd now, and because my job does random tests. I have never, and would never, go to work high, and most of the time I don't miss my friend MJ at all.

But damn I miss her in the summertime when the sky is clear and the beer is cold.

When I mentioned to Jason late last night that he should write a blog post about the fact that today was April 20th (4-20) I never thought he'd go for it. He did. But with a totally different point of view on the day than I have. You can read that here. I love this day for a few reasons and just wanted to say so. So...here's my list.

It lets me know that it is almost summertime.
I know I would not be the person I am today had I not inhaled.
It makes me sit up and enjoy the bright green springing to life all around me.
It brings to mind memories of other times and places that make me smile.
It makes me wish people would realize all who partake are not the same.
I love reggae. It is the one music that always makes me shake my ass and forget my troubles.

...and on that note, here's a little something for you. Celebrate this day, and every day!

Countdown to 5:45

2009-02-25T23:55:00.000-08:00

I can't sleep tonight. There are many reasons why I guess. But why is it that the more you know you need to sleep, the less you actually sleep. The I-should-haves, I-need tos, what-am-I-going-to-do-abouts, and I-need-to-tell-(insert name)s, are keeping me awake. Now add that to the fact that I am going to a concert I am amazingly excited about tonight and it is a delicious recipe for insomnia. Not even Jason's steady breath and warm body next to me are able to lull me into peace tonight. My eyes keep flicking to the bottom right of my screen to check the little clock and once again do the math in my head about how long it will be before my alarm goes off. I tried reading, but I am at the end of a mystery novel and the mystery is unraveling which of course only keeps me reading on and on. Maybe it is because I took my medicine late. Maybe crazy kitty hour. I woke briefly to the soft tapping of Jason on his ergonomically designed keyboard, and when he came to bed, I was ready to be awake and talk. He promptly passed out. Everyone in my house is now asleep. Cats, dog, man. Yet here I sit, at (eyes flick right) 3:16 type, type, typing away. I keep trying to think of a list to put here tonight, but am uninspired to that end. If I knew how to post songs here for you to listen to I would. The Waifs have a song that perfectly captures the feeling of insomnia for me. It's called "Up All Night." There is also the song "Why Does It Always Rain on Me?"I have no idea who sings it, but Candy put it on a cd for me years ago. It is also about a guy who is awake mulling over his life when he should be asleep. But for now at least you will have to be content with my (eyes flick to the right, 3:22, 2 hours and 23 minutes until my alarm, but my alarm is 5 minutes fast so it's actually 2 hours and 18, 17 minutes until that horrible brain-shattering tone which wakes me) late night ramblings. Ok, I thought of a list. Maybe by thinking of things that put me to sleep I will be calmed and head to bed. So here it is.

Things are (usually) guaranteed to put me to sleep

alcohol
movies started after 9pm (not in the theater)
blanket and couch combo
orgasms
reading anything
snuggling with any of the creatures I live with
mid-morning pancake breakfast
warm sunshine
car rides

Well I am off to bed. Actually feeling a little sleepy having gotten at least this checked off my list instead of composing it in my head while I lie awake.

Sweet dreams to all.

New Year Resolutions 2009

2008-12-31T22:10:00.000-08:00

Many people laugh at or shun the idea of making resolutions, but the list maker and planner in me loves making resolutions. Some I keep. Some not. I looked at my resolutions from last year and have made progress on some, and not on others. That does not stop me from pledging a new list. I am so excited and hopeful this January 1st. I truly have not felt that way in many years. I am happier, more settled, more confident, more loved. I am surrounding myself by the positive rather than struggling with and avoiding facing the negative in my life. In short...life is amazing.

No sweets (including soda) for at least a few months.
Be physical for 30 min or more at least 5 times a week. (walk dog, go to gym, yoga, etc.)
Get to work on time.
Be better about keeping track of and spending money.
Be more open and honest with everyone.

Volume Two...No Really...Volume Two

2008-12-27T20:10:00.000-08:00

As my dad wrote in my Christmas card this year, "What a difference a year makes." This has been the best Christmas of my life. It has been amazing not only for the events that have already happened this holiday season, but for the hope of things to come. So the list for today is 10 things that made this the Christmas of a lifetime.

Getting to see my little brother, and all my family.
Seeing lots of children (who are becoming part of my family) attack, rip open, squeal, and generally freak out over piles of presents.
Having my first real tree in a few years and Jason's first real tree ever.
Getting handmade cards and goofy presents from my students.
Christmas shopping in the toy isle.
Having a boyfriend that understands the exact kind of gifts that mean the most and make me the happiest.
Being mentally and physically well enough to take over for my mom in the kitchen.
Being able to bring my dog home to stay.
Singing and dancing through the season with Jason.
Planning to go shopping and and get my hair done.

The Joy of the holidays has returned!

Warren Haynes Christmas Jam: List 3

2008-12-14T15:31:00.000-08:00

This has truly been one of the best weekends of my entire life. I was surrounded by love and live music. I ate delicious food and washed it down with plenty of beer. For so many reasons...it was amazing. This is a list of just a few of the things that made my weekend so great.

I saw in concert, talked to, touched and got an autograph from one of my favorite musicians, Michael Franti. After his set, he casually hopped of the front of the stage and started hugging people in the crowd. Jason said, "Let's go down there!" I actually hesitated but then took off running at lightning speed to try to get down the the floor level where he was interacting with the crowd. I got to the gate, flashed my backstage pass, and got there just as he was turning to head backstage. I grabbed some stranger's sharpie and walked beside Michael as he headed off. Michael Franti then turned to me and said " How are you tonight Sister?" I'm not sure what I replied. Something about how great the show was I think. He signed my backstage pass and headed off. I was the last autograph he signed. I turned to Jason in tears, and just said, "Thank you." Maybe someday I will write the whole story of why this moment was so important in my life, how this brought a strange sense of closure, and how it was Franti's music that gave me the love, and energy, and strength to make it through my divorce. But for now, my joy prevents me from going there. All I can say is wow...and be thankful. So very, very thankful.
Jason and I had "lammies" as I found out they are called in the biz. We had laminated backstage VIP passes which hung on a string around our necks. That meant we never waited in line, we got to sit in a reserved VIP seating area, got to enter and exit through the same place the artists did, and hang the greenroom. We also walked past a block long line to go to a smaller show during the day at Jack of The Wood to see an informal acoustic set with Kevin Kinney of Drivin and Cryin and Patterson Hood of The Drive By Truckers. I felt like a true VIP, and was so proud knowing that it was Jason's hard work that had gotten us there.
Though Michael Franti's set was the highlight of Saturday's show, Friday's show had a huge highlight as well. Joan Osborne, Travis Tritt, and Del McKoury singing 3 part harmony on a bluegrass tune while Jon Paul Jones played mandolin was one of the best things I have ever seen live. For me that's the best and most beautiful part of the jam is that all these musicians just come out in strange and wonderful combinations to play together. Wow!
Being a big Drive By Truckers fan, Patterson Hood's acoustic set while having a drink in a little pub with Jason was really great. It was a big sing along in a little spot that shook my heart.
Seeing a rainbow on the way there, and a shooting star on the way home.
Sharing it all with the greatest love of my life, Jason Bugg.

Warren Haynes Christmas Jam: List 2

2008-12-14T14:29:00.000-08:00

After two days of nonstop music my head is still spinning and my ears are still ringing. But my heart and my soul have never been happier. This is the roller coaster ride of music I have been on this cold, clear, perfect December weekend.

The Allman Brothers
The Del McCoury Band
The Derek Trucks Band
Government Mule
Ivan Neville's Dumpstaphunk
The Lee Boys
Joan Osborne
John Paul Jones (of Led Zeplin)
Travis Tritt
Ben Harper and Relentless7
Coheed & Cambria
Steve Earle
Michael Franti & Jay Bowman
Johnny Winter
Mike Barnes
Buddy Cage
Roosevelt Collier
Karl Denson
Robben Ford
Ruthie Foster
Audley Freed
JJ Grey
Col. Bruce hampton
Ron Holloway
Patterson Hood (of The Drive By Truckers)
Robert Kearns
Kevin Kinney (of Drivin' and Cryin')
Eric Krasno
Edwin McCain
Mickey Raphael
many many more...

Wow...

Warren Haynes Christmas Jam: List 1

2008-12-14T14:04:00.000-08:00

I understand that for many people getting dressed up, pumped up and fucked up are huge parts of the concert experience. But sometimes, I really wonder about their choices. I was in a perfect (VIP) seat for people watching and was amazed as usual at the variety of clothes people wore. What follows is a list of unusual things saw on people's heads the last two nights.

huge fuzzy reindeer antlers
two candy canes sticking straight up
working electric Xmas lights
Santa hats of every shape size and description
top hat
turban
feathers
knit hats with ear flaps
Xmas balls on springs
balloon hats
Xmas tree tinsel
a crown of stars

2008-12-04T20:51:00.000-08:00

All right new leaf, turn over. That's right . Tuuuurn over! Good leaf! That's a goooood leaf. Now stay. Staaaaayyy!

In a moment of clarity I realized that my blog had some how gone horribly wrong. My original inspiration was that my boyfriend wanted to know my daily thoughts. How sweet, right? Well somewhere along the way it turned into an outlet for my seemingly bottomless well of neediness and self-loathing. "I don't have this. I don't do that. I'm not pretty...blah blah blah." What a bunch of shit. So from here on out (even if for only Jason and me) I plan to take a cue from the only coach in sports I ever really cared about, Jim Volvano. Half full instead of half empty from here on out Baby!

Laugh: I had a lot of laughs today but I think there are two that stand out. Laughing with Donna about organized and sensible outdoor Christmas decorations vs. every plastic Christmas character living in harmony on the lawn and mismatched lights. The other was dancing my ass back and forth as Jason produced a symphony of accompanying fart noises.

Cry (or get emotional): My emotional moments came when I opened an email from Jason containing the lyrics to a wonderful song that makes me feel great every time I hear it (or read it.) The other came when (through a Spanish translator) I was thanked profusely by the mother of a student for the great year her son is having in my class.

Think: Obviously I paused to think about the direction my blog (and my energy) were going. The other thing that I thought a lot about over the past few day is what does it mean for a child to be "gifted?" GT/AG/ AIG what ever label you know it as. I have been going through the process of referring two students in my class for our Horizons Enrichment program (our gifted program.) Filling out checklists, collecting work samples, checking reading levels and standardized test scores. I spent 10 days this summer at a conference for teaching gifted kids. I was put in "gifted" classes when I was in fourth grade. I've been to a million workshops on differentiating instruction.Those experiences in combination with my every day interaction with kids for the last 7 years you think would make me an expert, but it is a question I am still trying to answer.

So, I'd have to say overall it was a good day and I apologize to the universe for the bitchy energy I was putting out most of the day.

Character Witness

2008-12-04T07:33:00.000-08:00

The following is a list of UNTRUE things my boyfriend has told various cashiers in our small town about me.

I just stole a candy bar.
I steal candy from needy children.
I have a drinking problem.
I have to rush home and do some meth.
I hate Asians.

And last but certainly not least...

My sister (I have no sister) was in a terrible car accident and had to have her leg amputated and I had been out of town caring for her. (Used in an attempt to avoid a late fee at the video store.)

Feeling Down and Out

2008-12-04T04:32:00.000-08:00

I know. I know...Money is not everything, neither are looks, but when it comes to being a girl, they help. I am not a high maintenance girl, but have really been feeling shitty about the way I look lately. I do not require designer clothes, shoes, perfumes, or purses. I do not spend $65 a sitting on nails or hair. I don't wear diamonds or gold. However, I am feeling like a little money to spend on myself would make a world of difference in my confidence right now. Is that shallow? Selfish? I know that the reason I don't have money now is because of debt I have incurred in the past 10 years. That means I have no one to blame but myself for the lack of money for girly resources. Guess I am really lame and feeling sorry for myself. I know there are people a lot poorer, etc. But when you work as long and hard as I do everyday it would be nice to have a little money for myself rather than paying bills and praying like hell to get through the rest of the month on the change that's left. So what follows is a list of ways I would spend this girly cash. Consider it my Christmas list (in no particular order). I hope Santa is online and understands that all I want for Christmas is my confidence back.

bras and panties
pedicure
mid-range facial cleanser and lotion
winter clothes that fit
Mary Janes that don't smell
haircut and color
makeup (brown eyeshadow, eyelash curler, powder, smudge-less mascara)
renewed gym membership at Curves
a trip to the dentist.

Must See Spooky Cinema

2008-10-19T17:36:00.000-07:00

ONLY 12 DAYS UNTIL HALLOWEEN!!!

Halloween is my favorite holiday, and scary movies are one of my favorite parts of the season. I am watching The Ring. Of course edited for TV movies are terrible. It's hard to keep up any kind of suspense when you are being constantly interrupted by ads for birth control and cheeseburgers.

Now let me clarify. When I say "scary movies" I don't mean just gore fest style movies like the ones that Hollywood can't get enough of lately. I mean real suspense, really terrifying situations and characters, an actual plot, and maybe a little blood.

What follows is a list of movies I highly recommend watching for a scary horror filled holiday treat(always watch the original first).

Very scary movies...

The Exorcist
The Shining
Carrie
American Werewolf in London
Dawn of the Dead

Some Halloween movies have a bit different feel. They are equally wonderful, but can make you laugh while people lose arms and legs...

Young Frankenstein
Evil Dead
Beetlejuice
Once Bitten
Shaun of the Dead

Of course no Halloween movie list would be complete without a list of serial killer movies. In that genre I recommend...

Psycho
Halloween
Nightmare on Elm Street
House of 1000 Corpses/ The Devil's Rejects
Helter Skelter

Here are some really old black and white movies that you must see (be sure you are getting the originals!)

Freaks
13 Ghosts
Night of the Living Dead
The Birds
Bride of Frankenstein

I could name a million more, but start with these! Be sure to get cracked out on Halloween candy before you watch so you are extra jumpy and enjoy!

Happy Halloween!

Superpets

2008-10-09T14:29:00.000-07:00

Just a quick announcement:
I have a new favorite superhero, and a hero is exactly what he is.

"You want to cheer a hero?! This is a hero!"---Superman

Who is this handsome specimen of the canine species?

Krypto...Dog of Steel.

Here are some reason Krypto is awesome...

He was a gift from Superman's dad to his son
He has Superman's powers
He has a red cape
He has his own dialogue bubbles
He can easily recognize bad guys
He plays fetch in space

Check out Superman #680 for a great Krypto story this week!

(And a quick disclaimer. I do not in any way support the cheesy horrible TV cartoon version of Krypto. It sucks. Bad art. Sucky stories. It basically ruins the nobility of the true spirit Krypto.)

Riddled With Insecurities

2008-10-08T15:24:00.000-07:00

Every person on the planet, no matter what they say or how they act, has some area of insecurity. Some are rational, some are irrational, but for the most part nothing anyone can say will change these insecurities. I have two friends, one male one female, who I think are two of the most physically beautiful people I have ever known. However, neither one of them thinks they are attractive and constantly worry that they are unattractive to the opposite sex. What can be done to resolve these insecurities? Myself, I am riddled with insecurities. My hair, my weight, my feet, my weight, my skin, my weight, my intelligence, my weight..did I mention my weight?

Since the age of about 23 I have been battling my weight. I had always been a tall skinny girl. I was 5'9'' in 6th grade. I was 115 pounds when I was 21 and wearing a size six. By the time I graduated from college at age 29 I was over 200 pounds, wearing a 22. About 2 years ago I decided to do something serious about my weight. I was motivated! I had willpower! I lost a total of 46 pounds in less than 9 months. I looked great and more importantly, felt great. My sex drive came back, I could wear cute clothes again, I felt beautiful and confident.

Now, having put back on 30 pounds of what I lost initially, I am back to having every shitty insecurity return. I cannot wear my clothes. I cannot stop craving sweets or get off the couch most nights. I also cannot stop being upset about how I feel and look. I have even had dreams about running, feeling my body, my legs moving, feet pounding. Yet I continue on my sluggish destructive path. So here is my to do list...and my not to do list. I hope it will serve as an inspiration to me somehow. I feel stupid and weak even writing this down. Just do it...right?! Goddamnit!!! Why can't I just take care of myself??? Okay, I'm done whining. Done ranting about something I can change but won't, or don't.

Things that make me gain weight:

Sneaking sweets all day long (at least a candy bar a day)
Sitting on the couch
Taking anti-depressants and birth control pills
More pasta and bread and less meat

Things that make me lose weight:

Not eating ANY sweets
Working out at Curves at least 4 days a week
Yogurt for breakfast and salad for lunch
Running

Intervening

2008-10-06T20:21:00.000-07:00

The show agreed to make documentaries about addiction. It is about to face an intervention.

I have gotten hooked in recent months on an A & E show called Intervention. They film the addict living their daily life, then gather them up and toss them in a room with everyone they know plus a bonus intervention specialist type person. The goal being of course to convince to the person to leave then and there for rehab. Reality drama at its best.

But tonight, as working on grading papers, I watched 3 episodes in a row. All three were about alcoholics. Now, I understand that alcohol abuse is a prevalent issue and not to be taken lightly, (even runs in my family) but come on people. I need more than alcohol abuse in prime time.

"Dan drinks a case of beer a day. " That was one of the shocking factoids that popped up during an episode. I know a guy who does that...where's the tragedy there??

So in the spirit of my lovely lists...here are a few other addiction issues I would like to see on Intervention in the future. Interested producers feel free to contact me.

self mutilation
opium
cocaine
over eating
meth amphetamines
sexual addiction
huffing magic markers
collecting ceramic figurines
alcoholic animals

Eleven Events I Have Shared With Jason

2008-10-06T17:16:00.000-07:00

1. Baseball season
2. His 31st birthday party
3. Presidents of the United States
4. Nick Lowe
5. She and Him
6. The Hold Steady
7. Ric Flair's last match
8. Jim proposing to Pam
9. Frank's adoption
10. Fourth of July fireworks
11. Becoming roommates

Happy eleven...here's to twelve!

Ten Things You Should Know About the Best Dog Ever

2008-09-30T16:24:00.001-07:00

He loves to swim. He will swim for miles. Behind boats, through rapids, across lakes...miles.
He is the perfect size to spoon with, even though he does snore.
He loves cats. He raised my cat, Moe, from the time he was a kitten.
He needs a blaze orange collar so he can still be seen at night.
He prefers Healthy Morsels dogfood made by Purina.
He needs to run in wide open spaces.
He hates ferrets.
He gets way too excited when he plays with other dogs.
He likes to prune trees with his teeth.
He doesn't bark at strange men, but he does bark at strange dogs.

I lost my dog in my divorce. I had a brush with an old acquaintance tonight that left me thinking about him. I don't want a new dog. I want my dog. For all the horrible things my ex-husband has done to me, taking my dog is the worst.

An Actual Conversation

2008-09-29T19:56:00.000-07:00

(Names have been changed to protect the innocent.)

During writing journals in my class I often give the students a prompt to get thinking started. Today I gave the question "If you were an animal what would you be and why?" After the allotted writing time was up I asked several students to share their answers. I got the typical assortment of "I wanna be a cat so I can sleep all day," and "I wanna be a dog so I can bite people," etc... But the best happened just this way:

Me: So Mark, what animal would you want to be?

Mark: I want to be a gorilla.

Me: A gorilla! That's awesome! Why a gorilla?

Mark: So nobody will judge me when I scratch my butt.

Me: (LOUD LAUGHTER)

Out of the mouths of babes..I love my job.

My Anti- Anniversary

2008-09-25T21:05:00.000-07:00

Today is September 25th, 2008. That means I have been divorced exactly one year.

The day I got legally divorced was one of the worst days of my life. I waited patiently most of the day in a freezing courtroom until they called me to the stand. I cried as I read from the divorce paperwork detailing and justifying our separation. He was not there. No one was there. Just me. Afterwords I cried in my car, hard and long. Then I drove immediately to my favorite corner bar and told the bartender all my troubles as he served me martini after martini. Finally a good friend came and paid my tab and drove me home.

Divorcing my husband was the hardest decision I have ever made. Deciding to marry him was easy because I had wanted to be married to him for so many years before we actually decided on it. But I guess I knew it was wrong from the start. He never proposed, just agreed. We had a history of problems through out our relationship. We were very codependent and each enabled the others habits. I hoped being married would change or fix our relationship. I was very wrong.

But for the record, I did love him. For all his faults, and all his bad habits, for many years I loved that man. Even now, thinking about him makes me so sad. For a million reasons it should make me pissed off, angry, irrational, and filled with pure hate. But I just feel a deep and dark sorrow hanging on a hanger at the back of my brain's closet.

I have more to say, but am not sure how. I am having a hard time finding a way to end it...

Why I love The Office

2008-09-25T18:14:00.000-07:00

Pam
Jim
Pam and Jim
Dwight and Angela
Party Planning Committee
Finer Things Club
Beet farming
Alcoholics and gays at work
Sing alongs
Walking on coals
Daryl's lessons to Michael about being black
Posters of kittens and babies dressed as adults
A proposal in the rain
Office supplies encased in jello

Fun Fun Fun

2008-09-22T20:10:00.000-07:00

To keep with the spirit of my blog, and to go with the post below I now present to you a list of some of my favorite childhood toys.

1. record player: I played any records I could get a hold of. The first one I wore out was the BeeGee's version of Sgt. Pepper's when I was 7.

2. Lite Brite: Nothing like some black paper and a light bulb to keep me going for hours.

3. Barbie: Though I was horribly jealous of my best friend who had every Barbie everything that had ever been made. I was the most jealous that she had Barbie's little white kitten with the pink collar. It had Velcro paws and came with it's own little scratching post. She didn't even like cats...bitch.

4. Freddy: My stuffed penguin

5. dress-up clothes: I still really enjoy wearing costumes whenever possible

6. Operation: I love that noise! Eeennnnhh!

7. Speak and Spell: I just found out that TI still makes a version of this based on the original. Can I have one for Christmas?

8. bubbles

9. Ouija Board: A Satanic staple at any slumber party

10. trees

Simple Pleasures

2008-09-22T18:58:00.000-07:00

Today it has been decided in my mind…trampolines are absolutely magic.

My best friend who lived two houses down was the first person in the neighborhood to have a trampoline. It instantly became the center of our suburban teenage world. It served as a hang-out spot, a spot for telling secrets, and a place where it was safe to bring your sleeping bag and escape to any time of night. We jumped in the summer, the winter, in our prom dresses, drunk, sober… but always happy and laughing and feeling the magic. The neighborhood gang still talks about the trampoline though we are all over 30 now.

I remember in college tripping my ass off and watching a friend jump on a trampoline. I swore that the wet green grass swaying to the rhythm of the jump and lit by the street light was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Ok, I was tripping. But it was still magic damnit.

The first year I taught elementary school I remember the day I walked my kids to PE and saw before me the trampoline in the center of the room. One of the coaches spotted me gazing longingly and asked in a soft voice, "Do you want to jump?" "No no no…I have to get back to …(insert some excuse)" "You sure? It's really OK" "Well just for a minute" "YEEEEAAAAHHHH" my class yelled! I loved it, they loved it and now it is understood that Ms. Metz is always invited when the trampoline is in the gym, and that Ms. Metz always mans the trampoline station during field day as well. Again…feeling the magic.

Today I had a trampoline moment that solidified all my beliefs about this nylon and steel circle of joy. Walking into the yard at Jason's family's home I was once again entranced by the sight of a trampoline. I couldn't help myself. I had to jump. I did ask, but as I was asking, I already had one leg thrown over the edge. Jason soon jumped up also, though with a somewhat reluctant look on his face. We jumped and laughed and lay staring through the leaves up at the blue summer sky. That was absolutely the most peaceful and happy I have been in so very long. Magic.

Now go forth and jump.

(An addendum) Not long after I wrote this Jason and I were at his parent's house having a cookout. His grandfather, sister, niece, and I were sitting beside the trampoline while Jason practiced his wrestling moves with his two nephews. During the conversation Grandpa admitted that he had come out by himself and jumped on the trampoline that week. He hurt his back, lay there for about 30 minutes, and told everyone a lie about just pulling his back around the house. But grandpa jumped! I love him for that!

Top 10 Reasons to Drive to Western NY and Back

2008-09-22T18:51:00.000-07:00

10. Truck drivers who hold the door for you at every gas station even when you look like shit.

9. Banjo on the radio in West Virginia.

8. Finding out all your long lost Polish relatives like to drink beer and dance as much as you do. (Even had souvenir beer cozies at Grandma's 90th birthday party!)

7. Gas is cheaper in every state between here and there.

6. Crossing water, water, water. (New, Gauley, and Nolichucky rivers; Lake Erie, and Lake Chataqua)

5. Enjoying the flashbacks brought on by the orange florescent in the tunnels through VA and WV.

4. Admiring my cousin's toe ring as she slept with her foot out the window.

3. Coming through the oldest mountain range in the world...and knowing it's your home.

2. Round trip 19 hours with the windows down and the radio way too loud.

1. "Taking life like a big 'ol ri-de..." ---America

Sense of Sense

2008-09-22T18:42:00.000-07:00

(originally written June 1, 2008)

Sense Memory. The first lesson I learned in acting class. "Remember a time you felt..." The first lesson I teach my students in narrative writing. Carefully constructing connections from senses to memories.

Society (and here I include myself) puts so much emphasis on the sense of sight, the others are often neglected. The other four senses must be included to round out the picture. Those memories that I have that are strongest are much more related to smell, taste, touch...and sound.

The smell of spearmint gum will forever make me think of my grandfather. He quit smoking when I was born but was always chewing gum. The smell of wet wool brings back vivid memories of my now ex-husband returning from a cold weather canoe trip. Sense memory.

The taste of watermelon transports me to summer in the grass of NY state, surrounded by cousins at grandma's house. And I remember the rave beat of Hairspray in the early 90's when I taste a gin and tonic. Sense memory.

Knowing without opening my eyes which cat is beneath my hand, or thinking of a the future with Jason's hand on my belly, these things are about touch. Sense memory.

But last night it was about sound. It wasn't a song or a laugh. It was a thump. I was hanging out with friends, and their dogs. One of the dogs laid on his side and put his head in my lap, and as I do, I petted his stomach ending with an open hand pat. "thump thump thump" With only that sound in my ear, I suddenly felt as if I couldn't breathe. I haven't seen, smelled, touched, or heard my dog since February 15th. And with that thump all the missing him hit me at once. I lost it. I had to leave. I had to take care of myself. I miss my dog everyday, but last night was worse. Sense memory.

Not Your Ordinary Beauty

2008-09-22T18:23:00.000-07:00

I bought the most depressing thing ever yesterday. Have been upset and stressed out which always takes its toll on my skin. So I went to the skin care isle of my local drugstore and came home with one product that treats both acne and wrinkles. Arrrrrrghhhhhh! I truly thought there would be this blessed time in the life of my skin when I could be free of worry. But alas, it is not to be. And so I head to the bathroom to wash my face and enjoy knowing that while the acne comes from stress...the wrinkles come from smiling. So in the spirit of enjoying your age here are 5 good things and 5 bad things about heading towards 40.

The Good...

Still getting carded
I laugh and shake my head at "youngsters"
Getting closer to paying off my student loans
Being at my sexual peak
Not trying to be cool

The Bad...

Everything about my skin is changing
Starting to get hammer toes just like my mom
Not being 115pounds ever again
Bills bills bills
It hurts so much more to party now

Enjoy the ride ladies and gentlemen!

The Note

2008-09-22T18:04:00.000-07:00

Part of my classroom management duty as a teacher is to collect miscellaneous distractions from my students during lessons. Often those distractions are created from sheets of notebook paper I thoughtfully provide as an attempt to save time in the classroom. These distractions take many shapes, tiny triangular footballs, Freddy fingers, airplanes, fortune-tellers, and the classic..."The Note."

How many times were you terrified when the teacher took that note from your hand, or picked it up after a failed toss, petrified she might read it, or worse, read it out loud. I have a strict policy. I never read notes out loud. Most of the time I put it in my pocket and forget about it until I am peeling the soggy remnants from my washing machine. I do however occasionally reach into my pocket and find a treasure. This week I had that experience. Here is what was written on the small pink piece of paper I remembered was in my pocket at 3:00 today. Two girls with a lot of wisdom...

L: When Kobe fell he got up and looked at me! And when he did other things he got up and looked at me!!!!

D: Aaaaaaaaaaaaawwwww Young love, isn't it magical, lovely, and beautiful

L: yes it is all those things

D: OK GROSS but magical

Mary"s Mixes and Martinis

2008-09-20T14:52:00.000-07:00

Tonight is a celebration of Jason being alive for 31 years. The plan...friends, food, and LOTS of alcohol. So the list for today ...

Mary's Top Six Favorite Alcoholic Beverages

Margarita (on the rocks)
Sangria
Vanilla vodka and gingerale
Blonde headed slut (not red headed)
Ice cold IPA
Apple Martini

Glad to share recipes. Enjoy and may you also have a drunken night of fun and love sometime soon!

An Actual Conversation

2008-09-17T16:30:00.001-07:00

student: We love you Mrs. M for teaching us so much!

me: Thanks! I love you guys too! What's one thing you liked learning this year so far?

student: I don't know. I forgot.

Boy Stuff I Don't Understand

2008-09-17T16:30:00.000-07:00

Ok, so It's true that this list could truly be infinite, but these are the latest 10 things that have gotten me wondering...

Why are guys so vain about their hair?
Why do they only think it's been a good night of drinking if it ends in vomiting, peeing on something inappropriate, or fist-a-cuffs?
How can they watch tv, read, listen to music, and surf the net all at the same time?
Excessive meat consumption.
Guns.
Army Navy Surplus.
On line gaming.
Picking on you means they care.
Why do they love to watch talking heads arguing on tv about sports, politics, or anything really?
Action figures.

Things I Say Most Days at Work

2008-09-15T16:57:00.000-07:00

(It's all about context.)

"Hold those balls in the hallway!"

"Do you want to do lines? You know how to do lines. You've been doing lines for 5 years."

"There are too many buts. You can't start with but."

"Go get the sacred pot."

"Sit!"

"Are you done yet?"

I Am An Experiential Learner

2008-09-14T19:54:00.000-07:00

Things we truly loved as children often have a way of becoming more sacred as we get further from those early years. Since my boyfriend, Jason, and I started dating he has been trying to explain this and have me respect it. Specifically when it comes to his long time loves...super-heroes and wrestling. Comics and TV wrestling were big parts of his childhood and things he never left behind. Through teen angst. Through his 20's drunks, drugs, and divorce. Even now, entering his 30's, new comic book day and Monday night wrestling are weekly highlights.

Being the person I am, sweet and sassy, I will often make sexy little comments about things he is watching or reading or sharing with me. However, I quickly learned that these comments were not well received when directed at Superman or John Morrison. He would always say "Don't sexualize (insert character name)!" My usual response would be to giggle and say "Whatever." But it never stopped me from doing it again, and he never stopped chastising me for it. I just thought he was being silly and overly sensitive. This weekend I had an experience that forever changed my attitude towards his reaction.

Being a child in the 70's and 80's one of my cherished childhood loves was Muppets. I grew up with Sesame Street, The Muppet Show, Fraggle Rock, and The Dark Crystal. Still, 25+years later, I remember many of the skits and songs as if I just turned off the tiny TV with the giant rabbit ears. I won't go into the graphic details of the entire experience, but while fooling around on youtube this boring Saturday afternoon, my boyfriend showed me a video of Kermit. In the video had Kermit the Frog, during a moment of reaction says the word "fuck." I immediately became enraged at the person who had created this abomination! I made Jason stop the video that second. What monster could do this to my beloved childhood icon?! "Jim Henson would never have allowed this!" I screamed.

And then, in the midst of my fit it all became clear. This is what Jason had been trying to say. Kermit was my Superman, my untouchable. So to Jason I say, I know now and apologize for those comments. And to others I say do not underestimate the power of your childhood heart to let loose untold emotions. Now go forth and enjoy something you have neglected far too long...

Mush

2008-09-13T14:31:00.000-07:00

My life and thought often seem more chaotic than clear. In one of my many attempts to gain control where I feel I can, I have a real fetish for making lists. And I don't just mean grocery lists or "honey do" lists. the most common form my thoughts take are lists. I don't know what that's about exactly but here is the list of the day.

I love my boyfriend because...

...he hates the ellipse.

he always has one shoe untied.
he loves me and is never afraid how or where or how often he says it.
he makes me feel beautiful even when I have just woken up.
he is a snob about lots of things and an asshole about the rest.
he makes wildly inappropriate jokes that make me laugh and grimace all at once.
he swaps jokes and stories with my dad.
he is ok with having too many cats.
he watches me watching other things and is often entertained by my reactions.
he understands about the little things.
he still wears superhero jammies.
he likes the presents I pick for him.
he lectured me about hot dog brands.
he plays the ukulele.
he introduces me to his friends.
he wants to be close to me even in public.
he looks to the future and not the past.
he always feels like a deep breath and a smile.

He's mine ladies. (Yes that means you too Tift!)

5 Reasons I Started This Blog

2008-09-13T14:15:00.000-07:00

Jason suggested it.
I was bored on a Saturday afternoon.
I love having an outlet for the chattering monkey of my mind.
Making lists is the best way I know to deal with my tendencies toward insanity.
The internet needs one more person putting their random pondering out there.